Jerry seinfeld

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Wat er ook op een dag gebeurt, het past altijd precies in de krant.

Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on 'How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?'

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's notto be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we areto the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.